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S ometimes events happen in life that are unwanted and unexpected. It becomes a challenge to cope with the problem. I thought I had it all. It was the Sixties and I was living a middle class existence with three children under eleven years old and what I thought was a loving husband. What a shock it was when I was told by my mate that he was leaving me for his secretary.

Even though this was the Sixties, in Toronto, it felt like the Fifties, so this was a rare event and I obviously was devastated. My energy, patience and devotion were badly required by my children. They truly suffered emotionally. I lost ten pounds, I cried a lot and thought my life was over. I knew that my children needed my attention and I tried to give them the consolation they so desperately needed. It was tough. ‘A little bird in my head’ finally told me to smarten up. I was being self destructive. We don’t always choose what life offers but we always have a choice as to how to handle the situation.

I knew that I couldn’t stay home and mope forever. It was very difficult to continue with my social liaisons because my life had changed. I didn’t fit in with couples. Their conversations were not always what were on my mind. My economic situation had drastically changed. My life was in a revolution.

I had been a doting stay-at-home Mom. I realized that I needed to help my financial situation and I had to get out of the house. I had a teaching certificate that I had never used. I started applying for supply teaching. I would be called at seven a.m. and given an assignment. No matter what part of the city I was working in, I would drive home at lunch to make sure the children were fine. There was no lunch at school in those days. I would madly drive back to finish my daily assignment. I felt that I was doing a great job as a supply teacher. I always had travelling lesson plans in case the teacher had not left any of their own. My favourite lesson was a discussion of the famous poem “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost. How well it also applied to me. It made me realize that we have different roads that we can pursue and we have the option of choice.

I read two books that also radically changed my life. The Age Of Reason by Jean-Paul Sartre taught me about existentialism. I became master of my own destiny. I had power over my decisions. The other book was Herzog by Saul Bellow. In this novel, the protagonist is searching for justice when his wife goes off with another man. Half way through the book I exclaimed that this book was talking to me. I realized that you don’t fulfill your life by searching for justice for someone else. I had to create my own life path and I began to make it a positive route.

After a few years I applied for a permanent teaching position. I loved teaching and wanted to have my own class to help my students to learn and develop their own potential. It was interesting that my children commented that I was a better mother when I was working, because I wasn’t so ‘on top of them’ all the time.

I started taking evening courses and completed a university degree and then went on to take additional Ministry courses for teachers. I slowly started to take more courses and I completed my Master of Education degree. When the children were much older I took a year off for a Master of Library Science. During these years I taught in a variety of schools and with different grades, and later became a librarian. This was the best of all worlds. I loved books and children. I applied to be a Vice-Principal and after many years in that position, I fulfilled my dream of being a Principal, the best job in the world.

I t is so strengthening to take stock of yourself; to look at your options and possibilities and then make your choice of action. They weren’t always the best choices but they were my decisions. These were tough years. Socially I felt like an outcast. All the responsibilities and decisions rested on my shoulders. I had wonderful family support but the final responsibility was mine. I didn’t know then what I know now about child rearing, and there were economic restrictions.

There were also positive benefits that I realized many years later. I became a stronger person and my self-esteem began to develop. I worked hard and achieved two Masters Degrees. I was proud of my accomplishments. It was so wonderful to watch my children grow and mature. I delighted in seeing them choose wonderful partners for life. The grandchildren came and now even a great-grandchild brings me much delight. We are all very close and I have such pride in each member of my family. Today I continue to enjoy many activities both with friends and alone. I am obsessed with movies and see at least two or three per week. Going alone is not a problem. I recently returned from a trip to Sicily on my own. I take one or two trips yearly. I would never have had the ability to travel alone without my life experience. It prepared me to enjoy the life I have today.

Family structures have changed so much since those terrible early days as a single mom. Today we are all familiar with single parent families and same-sex families. There are also support groups available. It is difficult being a single mom but a loving devoted single parent will reap rewards just like I did.