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O n our way home from the cottage last weekend, we (my father, my husband, my son and I) were driving along highway 69 south to Parry Sound, a two-lane highway, when suddenly all the traffic in front of us came to a total stop. After about five minutes, my father turned the car off and we waited. 

It was a hot sunny day, and after a few minutes with the car off, it started to get hot inside, so we opened the windows to get some air. It didn’t take long before my mind started racing. 

How long will we be stopped here? It’s getting hot. There’s no shade anywhere here. How much water did I pack? I think 3 small bottles. Will that be enough? What if I have to go pee? Stop thinking about that, you just went an hour ago. It’s really hot. We’re only an hour into a three-and-a-half-hour trip. How long will this set us back? We were just going to make it back in time for Jack’s dinner as it was. Do I have enough snacks if he gets hungry? Just the raisins and Cheerios, and he’s been eating those all weekend. How much sugar is in raisins? Is that really bad for him? He’s going to start getting cranky and he probably won’t sleep unless we’re moving. Christ, why aren’t we moving yet? What if we’re stopped here for hours?  We CAN’T be stopped here for hours. Could we turn around and go back to the cottage? What do I have for work tomorrow? I really can’t remember. Why can’t I remember anything anymore, dammit? Remember when what’s-her-face was stopped for hours on the 401 last summer with a friend and two kids? What a nightmare! God, I really have to pee!

We managed to catch the tail end of the traffic report, which suggested that cottagers delay their trip home, if they hadn't left already. We talked about whether or not turning around was an option, and just as things got a bit hairy, the traffic started to move again.  After about 15 minutes, we came upon two OPP cars and a van on the side of the road, with some people standing around. Nothing that looked like a serious accident, thankfully, but the traffic going northbound was stopped dead and appeared to be even more backed up than we had been. It all got me thinking about how I’ve been hyper-aware of potential emergency situations, and concerned about how I would cope with a child in a crisis. 

I work in a health care setting, and did so back in 2003 when SARS hit Toronto. It was a scary time. I had to take my temperature every morning when I arrived at work, and wear a medical mask outside of my office. Even after the outbreak was over, the precautions stayed in place for months. Not knowing what kind of virus was out there or specifically how it was being spread was a bit scary, but I wasn’t over-the-top worried. If that happened now, I think I would seriously consider quitting my job out of fear I was putting my family at risk when I came home every night. Since we currently have only one income, that says a lot.   

When Stephen and I bought our house just over three years ago, I insisted that we stock what I called an “End Times” supply in the basement. We joked about the fact that it was hard to decide what food to keep aside, since it had to be unappetizing enough that you wouldn’t be tempted to eat it before it was necessary (like SPAM), but tasty enough that if you were caught in the middle of an apocalypse, you’d feel like you at least were having a bit of a treat (like trail mix with no-name Smarties). I was quite vigilant about having jugs of water, enough food for at least a few days, a can opener and some wipes in the basement at all times. For Christmas that year, my sister even got into the End Times spirit by giving Stephen some water purification tablets in his stocking. 

Things became a bit more serious though, once Junior arrived on scene. I stocked the expensive ready-to-use bottles of formula in our End Times cupboard, but was aware that we would have to use un-sterilized nipples if we ran out of clean ones. Once he was eating solids, I re-stocked our emergency food and breathed a sigh of relief that sterilizing bottles was no longer a concern. Considering that he'll eat fallen food right off of the floor if I don’t wipe it up quickly enough after meals, we’ve come a long way.

I've actually found myself less worried about things like germs. Jack is a thumb-sucker, and it’s impossible to keep his hands clean all the time, especially when he crawls on all fours, and then stops for a thumb-break. I used to be vigilant about washing his toys regularly, but that’s fallen by the wayside. I figure that some germs are good for his immune system, and if the End Times comes anytime soon, he'll be exposed to a lot of new germs anyhow.

I'm still affected by the random acts of violence and unusual natural catastrophes that I see in the news every day. I can’t stop myself from thinking through what I could do in a similar situation. Is it pointless to prepare myself should I be faced with such a crisis? Trying to imagine what I would do if I were on a Greyhound bus with my son and a stranger started stabbing someone is not a fun pastime. I know rationally that the chances of that happening to me are less than me being hit by lightning, but it’s easier to dispel my thoughts if I am the only one in the scenario. However, once a child is added to the situation, I feel compelled to figure out a way to get us both to safety, no matter how unlikely the potential threat may be. It is almost physically painful to me to realize that for some unexpected emergencies, there is no escape plan. 

B ad things happen to good people. This is what I am trying to come to grips with, and it’s my child that has made me face it. I’ve been astoundingly lucky during my life, and I try to be grateful every day for what I have. Despite my (humourous, I hope) griping about small and petty things like sleep deprivation and the fact that I don’t have a cleaning lady, I do count my blessings and know that I have much more than many others do, and for that I am truly thankful. 

I suppose my silly escape-planning and appreciation for my blessed life are my own ways of trying to counter the bad stuff in the world. By being grateful I am trying to appease Karma, and by emergency-planning, doing my best to be prepared for the inevitable bad luck that I know must befall everyone at some time. I know that when disaster strikes, all the preparedness in the world can’t totally protect you, and I just hope that if I have enough water and trail mix, it’ll keep me fortified enough to cope with whatever I haven’t been able to predict and prepare for, for my child’s sake.